June 15, 2010 at 7:33 pm

My wife gets quite anxious about her bank account and wants to visit the branch of the bank in order to query a teller/administrator about the state of her account. It is in good shape and I have tried to quiet her fears but she seems to get into these ‘moods’ where this becomes an obsession. I am not quite certain how to handle this worry when it comes upon her. She is demonstrating some other dementia symptoms like forgetting what she said a few minutes earlier but is still a most capable homemaker and companion. I would like to know how to comfort her when she asks me about the account and that she ‘screwed up’. She once reported that she had destroyed my statements but I presented her with the statements, showing her that they were not, indeed, destroyed. It is like the dementia is creative, making memories that never existed.

Bob Pellow

July 20, 2010 at 6:34 pm

We have that problem here too! Always hearing about the bank take the statements away say they go to another family member and we still hear about it hours on end. I have asked for suggestion on another site and was given suggestions. I fired back “and when none of that works then what?” Know what answer I got… DEAD SILENCE!!!
Try hearing about money and going to the bank by a 92yr old for hours on end and days on end, where the “support” you get from those in this industry is, “reassure them” “tell them you understand”etc etc. meanwhile we all are going nuts and feel like we are in prison. Dont want to touch anything b/c you dont know if they touched it with dirty hands, have to think 5 dimensional before speaking b/c you dont want to get them started b/c like the energizer bunny keep going and going.

July 21, 2010 at 6:51 am

Hey Bob,
First of all, Has your wife been diagnosed with dementia. If not she needs to be diagnosed and put on medication.The sooner the better.
I had the same with my Mom. So I went to the bank by myself and explained the situation to a teller. She had me talk to one of her bosses at the desk. The boss said bring her in and she would ease my Mom’s worries. Then she made a point of telling my Mom to have Me call whenever she wants her to check her account to make sure everything is A~Okay.So when Mom would be worried about her account I could call and make sure it was okay but then the second and third and fourth time I was actually calling my sister and talking to her.A few times my Mom would want to ask about it herself so she would talk to my sister thinking it was the lady at the bank.We in the “industry”call this therapudic fibbing.
Seriously though folks…we are just at wits end caregivers just like you.
Hey Jon,We suggest what seems to work for us and others. If it doesn’t work for you,then what?Keep trying until you find something that works for you and then share it with us. No one has this all figured out.No one can answer all of your questions. Maybe you can answer a few of theirs.

August 12, 2010 at 1:02 pm

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