• July 4, 2009 at 4:58 am

    I just found out that my mom has 30 days to move from a residential home care facility that she has been in for a little over two years. She’s always been quite a handful, but the owner has finally determined that the other residents shouldn’t be subjected to my mom’s outbursts and controlling manner. I have no hard feelings, of course. Just very concerned about our next step. The owner of this residential home says in her 10 years of running a total of 3 Alz. Care Residential Homes, mom is the first one that she has recommended be sent to a nursing home. Mom is 5’8″ tall & about 180#. I have thought that maybe I could care for her, but so many naysayers. Physically, I’m really doubting my ability to care for her. Right now room is an issue and so many safety issues to consider. My mom has been caught jumping 5′ tall chain link fences, so she has much determination. Her brother who is a year younger was put in a nursing home and almost immediately became immobile because there wasn’t enough staff to keep him up and about. Mom is still walking & feeding herself, but all other needs are done for her. I am so concerned about her going immobile in a nursing home because of staff shortages. So many nursing homes won’t take alzheimers patients unless they are non-ambulatory. I guess this leads to a couple of questions. Can a nursing home ask my mom to leave if they feel she is not manageable? And the other, if my mom goes into a facility as a medicaid patient and down the road I could care for her, will she be able to re-enter a facility as a medicaid patient or is that a one-time shot? Also, can the veterans money my mom is getting from the VA that is used for her care at the residential home facility be used if she is taken care in a home setting. I’ve thought about possibly bringing her home and getting help, but so many things have a big question mark.
    I have so many doubts, but then on the other hand, it seems like she might be more content around family. Any feed-back would be appreciated.

  • August 2, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    There is a thing called “Aid & Assistance” that the VA social worker can research for you as to your Mom’s eligibility. It was offered to me for my husband who is not ‘service connected’, their phrase for his eligibility.

    The aid and assistance has stipulations as to how much money she has and assets, but it’s worth a shot. It’s supposed to take several months to get approval.

    Is she on medications for the agitation? I am not a medication type of person, but I have to say after they prescibed a anti psychotic drug, the turnaround in his behavior enabled all of us to continue to care for him in his current surroundings. They gave me an anti depressent for him also, but I’ve only had to use that once for a catstophic response he had had.

    Pester the VA. Out here they are very supportive and outgoing in their AD care for the caregiver as well as the patient.

    Good luck.

  • August 4, 2009 at 4:35 am

    Hi curlytop55 gosh if u have curls I want some you lucky thing.

    Now as a person who has been diagnosed with 1st stage alz, I would like to pop in my point of view. i would not want to be cared for at home by my kids, I think too you need to take into consideration that the time u spend with mum now is important, and if that time can be spent pleasantly with no upheavels, it will be better, and do u know maybe Mum would prefer that too, so what I am trying to say, if mu m is being cared for in a residental place(here in NZ we call them rest-homes) then the time u spend together will be quality time, besides u too still have your life to live, and maybe family etc to care for as well, so think deeply,. cheers trish

  • October 25, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    This is a really hard one.

    For me, I considered what my mom said before she had dementia. She was very clear that she didn’t want her children to spend their lives caring for her when she started to decline.

    Do you think she would want you to go through all that if she were speaking from her younger, clearer, healthier self?

    I brought my mom home for a while, until it started feeling like it was overtaking and destroying our family life. It was really hard to let go, but turns out that I can be a better and more effective caregiver when someone else is doing the residential care. Now I can focus on improving her quality of life in other ways, and spend quality time with her with a well-rested, clear mind.

    It’s hard any way you do it, and you need to follow your heart, but don’t deny it if it gets over your head.

    Good luck!

  • January 31, 2011 at 8:37 am

    Well taking outside help or I mean taking home care services fromhome care providing company which provides efficient and quality services is not a bad option.
    It will really help your mother and you too.And you will also not feel like as is you have disturbing your family life and you will be able to spend quality time with your mother too.

  • February 1, 2011 at 11:58 am

    I agree with the Faisal that home care companies will help you a lot so that you can’t suffer your work also. Home care agencies provide all type of services to your elderly at home.

  • September 20, 2017 at 3:47 am

    Do you think that she would want you to go through all that if she were speaking from her younger, clearer, healthier self? router help

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