March 6, 2010 at 3:43 am

So I have all this emotion and shock that now may be the right time to put my husband in a memory unit. I thought I had years to go…However, those around me are becoming increasingly concerned about my physical health caused from all the stress. His frontotemporal lobe dementia is progressing of course. do I just do it, then work through the emotion as I go? 💡 💡 🙁

April 26, 2010 at 2:44 pm

Hi Sandy. I know how you feel. I, too, thought I had lots of time left with my husband, but he has declined so drastically in the past few weeks, that I know the time is not far away. I went to the Veteran’s home for a meeting last week to get some more information. To my dismay I learned that the residential care memory unit is totally self pay – which we can’t afford – so we have to wait until he can not accomplish 3 of 4 ADLs and place him in the nursing home section. It is so depressing! Not at all where I want to see him. Moving him will be very hard, even though I know caring for him will be beyond me at that point.

September 20, 2011 at 12:59 pm

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Hello Sandy, I can relate to all you have said. My husband was diagnosed in 2000, at first things were ok, just memory, I could handle that, it did get a bit frustrating having to repeat everything over and over. I have been his carer since then. In February this year 2011 Reg collapsed when we were at the Local Library, we had to get the Ambulance and he was taken to hospital, They couldn’t find out what had caused the problem, but they wanted to keep him in hospital for a few days, I think that was for my benifit as they could see how stressed and tired I was through lack of sleep, he liked to walk about at night,they thought it would be some Respite for me, it didn’t work though as Reg was so badly stressed that it made me worse so we brought him home.

After all that the Altziemers started to progress, He got worried about his Parents, ‘Wondering where he was” , they both passed away at least 50 yrs ago. Then always asking who’s house were we living in, not believing me when I told him it was our house, that went on and on, he used to say that if the people who owned it came and caught us living there we would be in trouble, and ‘he wasn’t going to rake leaves up in someone else’s garden.’

Friends were telling me to get Respite or I would be sick myself, I must admit I was so tired and just about at the end of my tether, I tried getting ‘In Home respite” 3 hrs a week, I went to the hairdressers and got a call from the lady who was sitting with him saying she was sitting in her car outside our house, ‘Reg had asked her to leave’. So that was the end of’Home Respite’. Things came to a head when we were out one morning and he said, ” You are a good impersonator aren’t you?” he said ” you are tring to impersonate Bunty”, that went on all day, and that night he wanted to know what I was doing in Bunty’s place in bed.

We have a terific Daughter and she is there for me all the way.
We decided that he had to go into two weeks residential Respite, and we realised that he wouldn’t be coming home again. as he went into a Secure ward at a local nursing home, and escaped twice in the first week, we weren’t really impressed with this situation so went looking for a better place.
We found a really good Nursing home, really caring staff in a Secure ward, even we can’t get in or out without one of the staff lets us. I have felt guilty having to put him in there but am gradually realising that I had no option,. He settled in really quickly, the staff love him, and he is happy and well cared for, it is a 50 kilometer round trip for me to go see him so I only go once a week, I take him coffee and Cake and we sit in the Garden. I am not sure he knows it is me, but thats Ok I love him and we have been married 56yrs.

My life has changed, I don’t like being on my own, it is only 3 months since he left me, so I know I will gradually get accustomed to it.

In my honest opinion I think that Altziemers is worse than bereavment, he is gone but he hasn’t and we will have it all over again sooner or later.
Thankyou for reading my story.[/size]

September 20, 2011 at 1:00 pm

[/size%;”>
Hello Sandy, I can relate to all you have said. My husband was diagnosed in 2000, at first things were ok, just memory, I could handle that, it did get a bit frustrating having to repeat everything over and over. I have been his carer since then. In February this year 2011 Reg collapsed when we were at the Local Library, we had to get the Ambulance and he was taken to hospital, They couldn’t find out what had caused the problem, but they wanted to keep him in hospital for a few days, I think that was for my benifit as they could see how stressed and tired I was through lack of sleep, he liked to walk about at night,they thought it would be some Respite for me, it didn’t work though as Reg was so badly stressed that it made me worse so we brought him home.

After all that the Altziemers started to progress, He got worried about his Parents, ‘Wondering where he was” , they both passed away at least 50 yrs ago. Then always asking who’s house were we living in, not believing me when I told him it was our house, that went on and on, he used to say that if the people who owned it came and caught us living there we would be in trouble, and ‘he wasn’t going to rake leaves up in someone else’s garden.’

Friends were telling me to get Respite or I would be sick myself, I must admit I was so tired and just about at the end of my tether, I tried getting ‘In Home respite” 3 hrs a week, I went to the hairdressers and got a call from the lady who was sitting with him saying she was sitting in her car outside our house, ‘Reg had asked her to leave’. So that was the end of’Home Respite’. Things came to a head when we were out one morning and he said, ” You are a good impersonator aren’t you?” he said ” you are tring to impersonate Bunty”, that went on all day, and that night he wanted to know what I was doing in Bunty’s place in bed.

We have a terific Daughter and she is there for me all the way.
We decided that he had to go into two weeks residential Respite, and we realised that he wouldn’t be coming home again. as he went into a Secure ward at a local nursing home, and escaped twice in the first week, we weren’t really impressed with this situation so went looking for a better place.
We found a really good Nursing home, really caring staff in a Secure ward, even we can’t get in or out without one of the staff lets us. I have felt guilty having to put him in there but am gradually realising that I had no option,. He settled in really quickly, the staff love him, and he is happy and well cared for, it is a 50 kilometer round trip for me to go see him so I only go once a week, I take him coffee and Cake and we sit in the Garden. I am not sure he knows it is me, but thats Ok I love him and we have been married 56yrs.

My life has changed, I don’t like being on my own, it is only 3 months since he left me, so I know I will gradually get accustomed to it.

In my honest opinion I think that Altziemers is worse than bereavment, he is gone but he hasn’t and we will have it all over again sooner or later.
Thankyou for reading my story.[/size]

September 20, 2011 at 1:03 pm

[/size%;”>
Hello Sandy, I can relate to all you have said. My husband was diagnosed in 2000, at first things were ok, just memory, I could handle that, it did get a bit frustrating having to repeat everything over and over. I have been his carer since then. In February this year 2011 Reg collapsed when we were at the Local Library, we had to get the Ambulance and he was taken to hospital, They couldn’t find out what had caused the problem, but they wanted to keep him in hospital for a few days, I think that was for my benifit as they could see how stressed and tired I was through lack of sleep, he liked to walk about at night,they thought it would be some Respite for me, it didn’t work though as Reg was so badly stressed that it made me worse so we brought him home.

After all that the Altziemers started to progress, He got worried about his Parents, ‘Wondering where he was” , they both passed away at least 50 yrs ago. Then always asking who’s house were we living in, not believing me when I told him it was our house, that went on and on, he used to say that if the people who owned it came and caught us living there we would be in trouble, and ‘he wasn’t going to rake leaves up in someone else’s garden.’

Friends were telling me to get Respite or I would be sick myself, I must admit I was so tired and just about at the end of my tether, I tried getting ‘In Home respite” 3 hrs a week, I went to the hairdressers and got a call from the lady who was sitting with him saying she was sitting in her car outside our house, ‘Reg had asked her to leave’. So that was the end of’Home Respite’. Things came to a head when we were out one morning and he said, ” You are a good impersonator aren’t you?” he said ” you are tring to impersonate Bunty”, that went on all day, and that night he wanted to know what I was doing in Bunty’s place in bed.

We have a terific Daughter and she is there for me all the way.
We decided that he had to go into two weeks residential Respite, and we realised that he wouldn’t be coming home again. as he went into a Secure ward at a local nursing home, and escaped twice in the first week, we weren’t really impressed with this situation so went looking for a better place.
We found a really good Nursing home, really caring staff in a Secure ward, even we can’t get in or out without one of the staff lets us. I have felt guilty having to put him in there but am gradually realising that I had no option,. He settled in really quickly, the staff love him, and he is happy and well cared for, it is a 50 kilometer round trip for me to go see him so I only go once a week, I take him coffee and Cake and we sit in the Garden. I am not sure he knows it is me, but thats Ok I love him and we have been married 56yrs.

My life has changed, I don’t like being on my own, it is only 3 months since he left me, so I know I will gradually get accustomed to it.

In my honest opinion I think that Altziemers is worse than bereavment, he is gone but he hasn’t and we will have it all over again sooner or later.
Thankyou for reading my story.[/size]